There it is.
After a four-day weekend, you’d assume the Monday would be crap, wouldn’t you? You’re not totally wrong. But it’s shit because of different reasons.
It was an emotionally suckish weekend and I felt like I was losing out big time – with people, relationships, and things.
I started my day in the morning by rummaging through the trash bags at home looking for a pair of gold earring that I misplaced yesterday. I woke up dissatisfied – having dreamt about those earrings, in a Squid-Games layout – reaching out to find the pair, tantalizing glints in the ground, feeling the hope drain out of me every time I discovered they were wrong, or the gold was fake. It’s a sentiment that mirrors all my actions since yesterday. How I hate the feeling of losing.
I’m so grateful to see this Monday, of knowing that everything can begin again. I’ve screwed up, I know. On various levels, with friends yes, but also for myself, I’ve let myself down, and how. I’ve been pushing people who don’t want to be pushed, I’ve been faking invincibility (wow, I never thought I’d use that in a phrase ever), and I’ve been complacent, for far too long. Well, the buck stops here, and now.
I’m done holding onto frivolous dreams and nonchalant promises. We change. So do our demons.
I don’t know how long this morbid phase will continue, but I’m not even resenting it, anymore.
Maybe change will come, maybe it won’t.
But, I have today.
I have my Monday.
And me?
I will choose wisely.
-Adios.
PsychedSpurti 