Thoughts…

You remember those pretend games that you played in childhood? Building forts made out of sheets, cushions, empty boxes and myriad shades of your mom’s dupattas and sarees? At some point in time, every one of us usually has played such games where you pretend you’re living in a small universe of your own, a cocoon in the seeming vastness of your home.

Who said they were restricted to childhood? Look around you and you’ll still see walls, albeit they are invisible. Everybody has walls. Some may admit it and some won’t but they are usually there, lurking in a strange anticipation of forbearance – one wrong move from your side and they’ll slide back in place faster than you can say walls.

Why do we have walls?

I’m no expert on psychology and I probably have the worst clairvoyance when it comes to predicting people. Can say that with some experience – the people whom I thought I’d never get along at first meeting, are the ones who’ve become imperative to my survival. Of course, at the end of the day you’re all alone but then there are fleeting seconds when these people, they just make your day. They make you feel so genuinely alive – it’s a marvellous feeling what people bring on in each other.

Oh, walls. Basically, they are to protect the tender hearts from the harsh existence of reality.

As I type this, I’m sitting in my own fort – obscured from plenty of prying eyes, I’ve converted my balcony into a mini fort. It feels pretty amazing and I can hear loud music with great tempo – too bad the grounds are so dusty. I nearly sneezed a large furball of dust after having temporarily jumped to the DJ’s tune. I realised that I was not able to capitalise on the moment wholly. Hey, to think about it, during the crappy engineering days when we had those weird holidays called fests (True to its name, Swayam was only attended by swayam¬†us college dwellers, nobody else bothered to travel to this derelict location in the outskirts of Bangalore, a mile away from the jewel of the city – the first famous IT Park of Bangalore), there was a barricade placed to allow either of the genders to dance on either sides. Right, so much for living in the modern world.

I’ve often wondered whether under normal circumstance as you are overtaken by thoughts that may not seem related, would there ever be a period of blank? Yes, meditation seems to be the perfect answer to this. But I’m not looking to consciously streamline them. Let your thoughts flow and you will realise that everything eventually connects and you’re off leagues away from the inception. Yes, now you understand the randomness of this post?

 

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Time will tell, or will it?

I’m sitting in the middle of the playing field. There’s a cricket match going on ahead of me and there are enthusiasts flying kites behind me. I’m caught in a pensive mood. The kite flies over me and a tiny bird flies with it too. It looks beautiful, a perfect evening.
There’s a lot of work to be done but I’ll just strategize now. The effort will be put at the nth moment.

The guys flying the kites are so happy.

Now I know why. The whee-whee got to me and I joined in the hullabaloo. Getting a kite high up is a difficult job but once it’s up, it’s simply amazing. I held the quivering string in my hand and it felt so liberating. Ironic because the kite is bound to me and I’m not letting it free really. If you think about it, that’s rather sad. However, let’s leave it at the liberating bit. Don’t want to get too caught up now, do we?

It’s been close to a week since I got back to college and I’m food sick. The feeling of blah-ness that you get when you look at the mess menu, you cannot understand it unless you experience it and so I went to the city yesterday to quench my thirst for a tender coconut. Yell-neer or nariyal pani has been an organic comfort food for me from the very beginning.

My association with this goes back a long way when I was about 6 years old. I lived in the south end of Bangalore then and there was a strong, hefty woman who would hack mercilessly at the edges of a big coconut and offer the sweetest ones to me. It was 7 bucks back then, a far cry from what it is today. It’s safe to say that I was

It’s safe to say that I was happily addicted and loved both, the sweet drink and the artistic way in which hewed it. Why, at some point, before flying back to Saudi, I remember telling Dad that we must explain to the lady, why we won’t be back for our daily routine for a long time. Dad was pretty alarmed, he obviously didn’t think it wise to disclose personal matters to strangers. I didn’t understand it back then, why not? Don’t you think she’d miss her regular customer I wanted to ask.I’d become so like him some day.

How was I to know that this is a life learning… You rarely say goodbye to people, some just drift away and you’re left with a quivering string..

I’m not here to talk about the benefits of tender coconut really. I just needed to get some stuff out of my head. There’s enough entertainment in it to last me a while. I just dreamt that Reya had flown off to Iceland and was enjoying the blissful locales at -18 degrees celcius. Yeah, who remembers details like that?

I haven’t read a book since the new year began and I’ve been suffused with a lot of strange thoughts. Changing relationships, inexplicable feelings, un-called for sentiments…Perhaps its is true that you only think so much when you are in a deep and seemingly un-intellectual stage, aka, the stirrings of depression.

I love the mornings here. I don’t normally pray but when I see the sun rising here, the horizon becomes so beautiful that a prayer of gratitude usually comes into my mind before I know what has happened.

It’s a great place to be… but this boat too will be rocked. Sooner than I think, or later… things will evolve. At that time, how strong will I be? How will you cope?Only time will tel.

How will you cope with changing environs and unsteady tides?

Perhaps time may tell…