Mili

Often in life, it takes one Bollywood movie to get your sentiments rolling.

I was faced with one bleak-looking Saturday and thinking about how I’d rather not meet anyone, I set up my laptop to stream this old movie on YouTube – of Amitabh and Jaya Bachhan, titled Mili. I remembered seeing it as a child but as with most things then, my memory wasn’t at its strongest. All I could think of was kids dressed up in fancy clothes parading on a terrace with the gay Jaya in the lead.

I colored my Mandala set of coloring book as I watched this movie, sitting on the dining room, which has rarely been used for the said person. It ended with a lot of tears and emotions. Mixed, bottled up, and repressed feelings and sentiments that are so common these days.

Cinema mirrors life, or the vice versa. This phrase could well be the successor of the perennial, ‘What came first – the egg or the chicken!’. We Potterheads would just leave the discussion with a comment about how it’s an infinite circle without a beginning or an end.

Movies have immense power – but you already know that don’t you? Or you wouldn’t see little kids literally scared to death while there’s a mob threatening the school bus outside because they want a film to be banned.

But movies have other powers as well – those that enable you to look deeper within yourself and realize a few hard things in life. I had been struggling with some decisions in the past few weeks. I have asked my friends, family and colleagues. knowing fully well that their answers would never give me that clarity of thought unless I arrived at them, myself. I think I know now what to do. The universe is your friend – it’s cruel, it’s kind, it’s funny, and it’s basically there for you. Maybe sometimes you gotta wait patiently and listen in.

Watching Mili was a reminder about our life.

I lost my grandmother to cancer. I always thought I’d write about her, but then I decided I couldn’t or shouldn’t write about her. Did I have the authority to do so? Did I love her enough?

I never showed her my emotions when she was going through her toughest phase. Most of us didn’t. You don’t go breaking hope by being weak right? When she was really weak, I just went to the terrace and cried my heart out to my best friend. I told her, just please come. Just please come because you are so brave and because you are so lovable and so cheery. Just please come and meet her? She needs your spark and cheer. How have I never introduced you to her, babe?

The call satiated me. My friend was in a whole different city but she promised. She’s always been that positive, beautiful and pragmatic source of inspiration.

Despite living in the same city, we were far – my gran’s house and mine. We used to kinda meet once in a fortnight. We tried to make weekly visits, but I don’t think we were regular.

Can you imagine her pain and sorrow that she prayed for mukti. To be liberated from all these trivially hurtful word-ly things.

When I met Grandma that final time, I knew she said goodbye to me.I knew it was the last. She took my leave with a kind of apology. The I can’t do it anymore. I touched her feet, went to the car, shed some secret tears and then we tried to act normal.

That was that, you know.

That was that.

She knew.

I knew.

And strangely, that matters to me.

 

 

 

 

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Pause

Today was a mentally taxing day. 

I had a training where in I couldn’t pay attention, and I blurted out the absolute wrong theory in front of a batch of newbies (No, I wasn’t taking the training)  I was trying to buy a phone online(unsuccessfully), I got some morbid messages, and I was feeling gloomy all day. I wanted to do something I was contemplating for a long time yet I thought I should hang in there for a few  mor days.

Some more days, some more time, some  moments, a second.

Such mundane struggles we have. An acquaintance I had met on the last nature trail I had been to, texted me on Instagram today. He thanked me for my pictures, in fact, my captions rather than the pictures and told me he was amazed at my interpretation of life. There was a lot of sadness because I knew he was having problems on the health front and he told me, he’d try to be back but for now, it was a goodbye. I had mixed emotions really. Being a fairly private person, I take a lot of time and definitely keep those  people away who I think, come on too strongly. And here was one such person, expressing his wish to have known me better. 

I couldn’t do  more than thank him and said I wish the best for his health. I really do. I hope he continues to inspire all. 

There are a lot of people we meet, but it’s just not possible to let everyone in. And that’s a sad fact. But for those who are in the inner circle, what have you done for them? 

What have you left them if not good memories and kind words, in case this transient life plays its cruel cards. 

Do what you can and try to make a difference in someone’s life. We Indians mostly just suck at this kind of emotions. It doesn’t have to be a daily reminder of I love you. No it doesn’t. When I was in fourth standard and I went for a sleepover at my friend’s, I was appalled and amazed at the same time when the entire family was having a light moment and confessing their love for one another.. I come from a family when love means pulling your feet and sharing a joke, often ending up on the verge of a fight.  Such weird family dynamics right? 

But even KJo can’t help change some things. Can keep trying though. After all, you will eventually succeed or that’s what they tell you anyway. 

Pride and Prejudice

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of good fortune must be in want of a wife”. 

The beginning of Jane Austen’s novel could not have been established on a more superior note. It was the succinct combination of the style that would follow in the pages thereafter. With expressions so apt, and emotions so detailed, it’s amazing how Austen portrayed the nuances of the time peppered with mild sarcasm and a general tinge of enjoyment.

After having re-read the book many a times, I resorted to listening to the audio book this time around. On one of those days when I give in to the inner child in me and resort to coloring mandalas to feel soothed and calm, I decided to listen to Karen Savage’s rendition of Pride and Prejudice. Whether it’s Mr Collins’ adulatory voice or Mrs Bennet’s high-pitched, dramatic expressions, Savage has done an admirable job with this one.

Despite knowing the story line and the dialogues in some scenes, I couldn’t help feeling awed at this piece of literary genius. I thought myself to be addicted when I couldn’t help myself to another chapter, even when it would be pretty late and I had to doze.  If you’re a fan of books and are looking to start something new, I would recommend this audio book to you so that you may be as fortunate as myself and sing glorious praise of it thence.

P.S The only cons I can think of after you having listened to the audio book is that you may be tempted, like me, to write in a slightly archaic manner and leave your readers puzzled.

Happy listening, folks!

🙂