Floodgates

A floodgate opens by, of memories rushing hither

Within that diary, my emotions nearing wither.

‘Twas us against the world, a battle was fought.

Left you strong, but I was broken and distraught.

What do I do with these papers and this ink?

The dusty fabric has secrets aplenty, you ‘d blink.

There was love there, and tenderness and care.

But then, you made clear, those feelings you did not share.

It took me time, a great deal of distance.

And here I am, relishing my sustenance.

Yellowed pages, dogeared ends..

They call out to me, and show me the bends.

Of lies, betrayal, heartache, and all the evil rest.

Move on, Life did, for it always knows what’s best.

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First Crush(ed)

Take a few minutes off to re-live those awkward teem memories?

I remember it as clearly as it happened. I had just finished the captain duties after school. It was a major rule in our institution that all the kids were to form a straight line (I know it’s redundant in itself but some Indianisms really get me pumped) as they exited their classrooms and walked down multiple corridors to the gate beyond. I loathed a lot of things about this  particular school and this rule often left me feeling caged. Come to think of it – the last bell of school heralds a promise of unspoken excitement and things are meant to get crazy with everyone jostling, trying to get out of the institution first. It is an indication that they survived another day with our education system after all! Although I hated them, at this point of life, I can sympathize with some of the rules – they were probably put in place to ensure that no stampedes occurred.

As I walked back to class, to wrap my bags and head to Abacus lessons (Yes, I’d chosen to enrich my brain with the mental prowess of Abacus) I met my friend  Zit (That’s the closest I can get to not revealing his name. It also helps that all girls find zits annoying. Pun intended). I must tell you beforehand that I’d studied my entire life (until 7th std) in a girls school and in this school, I had but a few guy friends.

Zit seemed to be in a perturbed mood. I thought I’d talk to him and figure out why was he so morose? Which girl had he fallen for so suddenly that he couldn’t smile and just be?

He refused to answer to my insistent queries and just smirked and sulked away. I packed my bags and went up to him, ‘Come on! You can tell me, you know? I’ll keep it a secret.’

‘Who’s the lucky one?’, I ventured. Feeling a little cheesy and trying to be the cool girl best friend they often show you in Hollywood movies.

Little did I expect the reply, ‘You!’.

I was momentarily stunned and laughed it out. ‘You can’t be serious. Come on now, take the suspense off.’

‘No, I’m serious. It’s you’, he persisted. Now the wind just knocked out of me. It’s one thing to pull your friends’ legs and another when you’re going to find yourself in a similar situation. I went to abacus class in a stony silence and my mind was in a tizzy. Was I to feel elated that someone thought me crush-worthy? Or was I to feel bad and angry that a ‘good friend’ had just made things super awkward?

All my teenage fancies and wishful thinking about the situation came to the right conclusion when after abacus Zit met me and said, ‘I’ve got a gift for you’ and he proceeded to take a wrapped item that looked ridiculously like a book. It was a weird feeling then, I was left wondering whether people began dating when gifts were exchanged? Was it just the girl who got the gift? How do things like these work really? I was tempted to take the book. (The surprise was killing me too. Would he just lend it to me so I could read it later on?)  I denied the book and told him I’d err really ike to go home for now.

Life has a way of giving you answers when you really need them and that’s what happened.

Any semblance of romance that I’d gathered in the last few moments went out of the door as soon as I walked out of school to see Zit’s friends hovering about; cycling, playing, kicking stones and basically just waiting to hear from the brave one.

‘Did she say yes, macha?’

And that was that!

 

Plans≠Life!

Here’s a trip down memory lane wherein I publish posts that were saved as drafts.

 

April 2015:

 

 

I’ve been working as a content writer at this really fun place for a while now. 7 and a half months to be precise. And it has been such an illuminating experience. A lot of people told me while I was still a struggling student (hey it’s not just models and actors okay, engineers struggle too ) that I just had to find a job after the four years spent between books, friends, and movies. They told me that the dynamics of work life was way more advanced than college life. That’s probably the best advice I heard about careers.
I passed out in the bleak monsoon of 2014. After having refused to sit for IT placements in college, life was pretty directionless. So I graduated as a Chemical Engineer, and I didn’t know what the hell to do in life. My life goes by the mantra, when in doubt, travel!

And that’s what I did. Though I wouldn’t exactly call it travel in its realest sense. I spent close to a month meeting and greeting relatives in the city of dreams. Mumbai enchanted me like never before. It spread its arms wide and embraced me into the fast-paced city life, keeping me awed and amazed, willing me to do more.
I was considering a masters degree in food technology. Don’t ask why. I just woke up with a dream one morning and felt so positive that I wanted to be a food technologist. How hard could it be? I loved food, didn’t I? And technology? Well I’ve been studying heat exchangers, flash drums, and process control units. Could it get any harder?

In hindsight, I’m really thankful that my epiphany was short lived. Just like the length of a Hollywood movie. Wait, it wasn’t that short. Let’s make it Bolywood, considering that I researched the best universities in the UK, argued with my parents, miserably failed to convince them of my designs, and due to the excitement of my brother’s threading ceremony, missed an important deadline to one of India’s best food tech college. I was so pumped about this exam and so confident of making it, I just kicked myself when I missed the date.

C’est la vie.

I happily accompanied an uncle to Mumbai, conveniently avoided meeting him again. (He spent two months at home and repeatedly narrated so many stories, that I debated lip syncing to those stories as a career option.)

Sad to leave Mumbai, I hauled my sorry behind back to Bangalore and delved into creating a ‘good resume’. I updated online job portals and declared myself an excellent chemical engineer and began the wait. That wait, was horrendous.

Just to satiate my alter ego, I created a second profile. That, which indicated my interest in content writing. This was one of the better ideas thatI had had in life. I finally began to be noticed by the portal! Guess that’s how aspiring actors feel when they get ‘noticed’.
After about 3 months of chilling, cribbing, procrastinating, watching endless movies, my stars aligned on a weird Wednesday and got me two interviews on the same day.

The immature side of me wanted to attend the interview of this company that was really far from home. I don’t know what I was thinking. After I spent forty-five min at the bus stop miserably awaiting my turn for the mighty transport that never showed up, I let it go.
That was a sign. A very blatant one. Drum told me to STFU and go attend the second interview. Most chilled out interview ever. Got the job and made some amazing friends.

 

 

February 2016:

 

I’m in the midst of another happening phase – college! The real deal, really! Just the way you pictured it thanks to the movies, except there’s plenty of work to be done and assignments to be submitted. The going has been great and here’s to a lot more planned decisions that get shelved and turn out to be haphazard, yet chaotically great!

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