Of Slam books and Slammed People

You know when you’re cleaning old closets and drawers and you chance upon some treasures that you want to bury yourself in but can’t, cause life?

Well, today is that day for me.

A day to reminisce and contemplate – read out entries of fascinating glories and conquests that I recorded in my journals long ago, to take a moment to laugh about the hysterics I attempted, or wallow in the dejections I faced. Choices are aplenty.

I discovered my Slam Book from 12th standard; it’s almost 8 years ago. (No, thank you for asking, but I do not feel old yet!)

What’s interesting is that all the people who took time out to write me a few words of affection are just the guys who are pretty much out of my life, at this stage. Except for one exception, who’s always been and will always be a dear friend.

I see entries such as these:

It saddens me that we’re continents apart and rarely ever talk. So much has happened… We’re different people now than we used to be and we let differences creep in when they shouldn’t have.

Here’s another entry:

This cutie is a Mommy now, and she’s going to be starting post grad studies soon. She’s come a long way and I’m happy for where she’s headed.

This is one from an acquaintance:

I’m glad to have been that person who’s always smiling and I will continue to be that. It’s just the easiest thing to do and makes everyone around feel better about their day, doesn’t it?

This one is from a dear friend, who’s pretty much a cheerful ghost to me now. I like to think that somewhere along the way, between teaching some kids and doing the strangest comedy in life, he may just be look at this blog post and go- Aww, Thunk! (You see, that was my nickname back in the days!)

Udox, my homie, if you’re reading this, I still think you’re a pain in the ass, but a good one at that. Keep rocking and drop a text when you’re in town? I’d like to chill and grab a cuppa with you!

Here’s for the last entry, the one I consider best, simply for the effort that was taken in filling it with random crap!

I’ve got to admit, it takes talent to write 7 pages of bullshit. So this guy actually befriended me because mister had a Huuuuggeeeeeeee crush on my bestie. What can I say, I guess being a wingman is one of my weaknesses! 😉

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Floodgates

A floodgate opens by, of memories rushing hither

Within that diary, my emotions nearing wither.

‘Twas us against the world, a battle was fought.

Left you strong, but I was broken and distraught.

What do I do with these papers and this ink?

The dusty fabric has secrets aplenty, you ‘d blink.

There was love there, and tenderness and care.

But then, you made clear, those feelings you did not share.

It took me time, a great deal of distance.

And here I am, relishing my sustenance.

Yellowed pages, dogeared ends..

They call out to me, and show me the bends.

Of lies, betrayal, heartache, and all the evil rest.

Move on, Life did, for it always knows what’s best.

Transitions

Bidding adieu sucks but you’ve got to do it because transitions make you grow…

Hi readers,

I must admit that what I actually set out to do while writing the previous post was not to write it. Nah-uh, I actually wanted something to surpass the older posts and instead of coming up with something new, something non poetic, I ended up publishing a half-written draft in my sleep. 

Now that my royally loyal reader HashBrownie has asked me what I’m made of, I think it’s time to take a break from that bubble of procrastination and step out into the sunshine!

Here’s what’s been going on.

Two years of college are coming to an end. That’s bidding adieu to two of the best years of life.

I know it’s not easy to measure yardsticks when you talk of ‘best days’.

Think about having beautiful sunsets as the backdrop of your home, evenings that start off as hot and sultry but if you’re not careful, end up feeling frost bitingly cold.

Think about living in spacious rooms, (with balconies to sip tea in, mind you) with pleasant roomies who just let you be. (Warts, farts, darts et al).

Think about the cold coffee, hot coffee, ice cream sandwich, and the gulab jamuns at the mess.

Think of the people who you surround yourself with. Those who make you smile and laugh and cry at the same time.

Friends who instil a dependency on you that makes you realise you are important. Friends who you thought were loud and bossy but actually ended up loving and living with. Friends who you fell in love with, despite their stupidest idiosyncracies.

Yes. The hills were alive to all these sounds and intuitions. They’ve seen my sweat, my tears, and my joys. It’s honestly satisfying to see that you make a difference.

The belief that Sometimes, actually, most times, your integrity and work will suffice.

Anyway. As I step out of this beautiful place I called home for two years, I know I will always call it home. The home that grew on me and steadied me to a future I didn’t think I could have, I’ve only got the deepest sense of gratitude for this experience. To all the forces of the universe, who made it happen.

My peers are off on a spree of rants about how much they’ll miss this place. Interestingly, I finished this nostalgia in the third semester, with my besties around me. Everyday I’d look out and go ‘Daaamn, I’ve got to move on from this. How does one do that?’

I think I’ve found my answer. You get to transition from your phases in life when you have the hope to find better.

Every time you are down, remember, there’s something that’s been eluding you but it can be yours, with some dedication, effort and time.

Find your homes, not in the four walls of a building but find your homes in people. It’s people that make you want to believe in the best of you. It’s people, who will be there for you. and then you’ll know, goodbyes won’t be hard. They’ll just be something that you have got to do.

Find you home and then you’ll know. Goodbyes won’t be hard. They’ll just be something that you have got to do.

This is me bidding adieu to college life as I had known and loved. 

Here’s to newer and more enriching things in life to all of us.

Life Is Beautiful. Believe It. And You’ll Feel It.

It’s truly been the end of an era.

Adios, SIMC.

The Glass Palace

I’ve been cooped inside my room reading Amitav Ghosh for the first time ever. It is taking me though an intensely riveting journey through the erstwhile little empire of the Burmese to the coastline of Ratnagiri district and then to Malay. Something tells me I need to brush up on my geography to keep pace with all the places. 

I can’t but marvel upon how the events of a person’s life becomes so immaterial in books. Youth, marriage, kids.. All are given but a fleeting mention and suddenly the protagonist is dealing with issues that are rooted deeply in the positions they have scoured themselves. I’m amazed at how this book is written with such a good buildup. I can imagine the greatness of the glass palace and I can almost taste the stench in the air when King Thebaw and his family are forced to endure the commonality of the house at Ratnagiri. Their fortunes as emperors forgotten because of the British ruler’s insecurities. 

There is such a strong element of realism in Ghosh’s work that it’s like interviewing and dissecting the lives of the people at close quarters. With every passing day, my personal opinion on love and familial relationships  are challenged and this work is a manifestation of the many doubts that our minds may possess. We are reduced to the depth or shallowness of our society and our personal inclination. You can always control just how much of yourself are  you willing to invest for the outward world. 

The Glass Palace is perhaps a metaphor of our own warped lives. It’s a boundary or our limitations. 

#ThirtyTrinkets Day 13

This is going unexpectedly slow.

My trinket of the day is a ring that dates back to life in Saudi. 

I must say I felt tied down while wearing a ring. I was constantly aware of this foreign element and played with it a dozen times in an hour. Slipping it into the left hand and then to the right. Wondering how annoying it would be to have to wear it everyday, especially if I didn’t like the connotation that it could represent. 

But then you get used to them perhaps. I’m so sleepy that I lost concentration in an assignment long ago. A chance convo with a new found Bestie is keeping me up as we talk about weight, self Esteem and dreams and what’s stopping us from our perceived obstacles. It’s been a good day but does not seem like a weekend at all. Mess food was crappy to another level. I’l probably stifle the hunger pangs and wait for a decent breakfast tomo. Meanwhile, sleep well! 

Plans≠Life!

Here’s a trip down memory lane wherein I publish posts that were saved as drafts.

 

April 2015:

 

 

I’ve been working as a content writer at this really fun place for a while now. 7 and a half months to be precise. And it has been such an illuminating experience. A lot of people told me while I was still a struggling student (hey it’s not just models and actors okay, engineers struggle too ) that I just had to find a job after the four years spent between books, friends, and movies. They told me that the dynamics of work life was way more advanced than college life. That’s probably the best advice I heard about careers.
I passed out in the bleak monsoon of 2014. After having refused to sit for IT placements in college, life was pretty directionless. So I graduated as a Chemical Engineer, and I didn’t know what the hell to do in life. My life goes by the mantra, when in doubt, travel!

And that’s what I did. Though I wouldn’t exactly call it travel in its realest sense. I spent close to a month meeting and greeting relatives in the city of dreams. Mumbai enchanted me like never before. It spread its arms wide and embraced me into the fast-paced city life, keeping me awed and amazed, willing me to do more.
I was considering a masters degree in food technology. Don’t ask why. I just woke up with a dream one morning and felt so positive that I wanted to be a food technologist. How hard could it be? I loved food, didn’t I? And technology? Well I’ve been studying heat exchangers, flash drums, and process control units. Could it get any harder?

In hindsight, I’m really thankful that my epiphany was short lived. Just like the length of a Hollywood movie. Wait, it wasn’t that short. Let’s make it Bolywood, considering that I researched the best universities in the UK, argued with my parents, miserably failed to convince them of my designs, and due to the excitement of my brother’s threading ceremony, missed an important deadline to one of India’s best food tech college. I was so pumped about this exam and so confident of making it, I just kicked myself when I missed the date.

C’est la vie.

I happily accompanied an uncle to Mumbai, conveniently avoided meeting him again. (He spent two months at home and repeatedly narrated so many stories, that I debated lip syncing to those stories as a career option.)

Sad to leave Mumbai, I hauled my sorry behind back to Bangalore and delved into creating a ‘good resume’. I updated online job portals and declared myself an excellent chemical engineer and began the wait. That wait, was horrendous.

Just to satiate my alter ego, I created a second profile. That, which indicated my interest in content writing. This was one of the better ideas thatI had had in life. I finally began to be noticed by the portal! Guess that’s how aspiring actors feel when they get ‘noticed’.
After about 3 months of chilling, cribbing, procrastinating, watching endless movies, my stars aligned on a weird Wednesday and got me two interviews on the same day.

The immature side of me wanted to attend the interview of this company that was really far from home. I don’t know what I was thinking. After I spent forty-five min at the bus stop miserably awaiting my turn for the mighty transport that never showed up, I let it go.
That was a sign. A very blatant one. Drum told me to STFU and go attend the second interview. Most chilled out interview ever. Got the job and made some amazing friends.

 

 

February 2016:

 

I’m in the midst of another happening phase – college! The real deal, really! Just the way you pictured it thanks to the movies, except there’s plenty of work to be done and assignments to be submitted. The going has been great and here’s to a lot more planned decisions that get shelved and turn out to be haphazard, yet chaotically great!

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Tra la la

It works! Every simgle time. These words – Blah, lah, la, they’re so amazing. cause they convey everything you want to say and yet deep down, mean nothing.

And then there are days when every fibre of your being screams winner!

It’s been one such day. Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t ace the test that happened today. Three hours to write everything you knew about four subjects, two of which were so similar I forgot what I read where, and you’re an alien if you didn’t complain.

No, not kidding. I didn’t burn the midnight oil so I do not deserve to get your sympathies. I slept quite fine, thank you. Kind of makes me hope I have tests every day – such was the blissfully deluded sleep.

Let’s just skip the mandatory ‘how was your test?’ and assume it was the best ever. (I don’t even know if I passed Sem 1, that’s how early we get our results out here).

Well I’m glad it’s over. And you know what? I made a commitment and stuck to it. Okay fine, it wasn’t a biggie. (Should really stop hanging out with ‘Mol. He’s ruining my vocab.)

I just controlled myself really hard and with the weirdest measures to avoid going to the city. Now you’re thinking really? That needs commitment? Hey, when you’re left with ten days to show up at home with a puppy face, ten days is a lot of time for the meagre amount of pocket money that you are trying to save.

There are days when I’m so baffled by my thoughts that I give up thinking. Nah. Not really. Sample this: When I resentfully thrust a 500 under his nose and the Bhaiya at the coffee shop says no change, part of me is glad that I can stretch it a little longer.

Unfortunately though, just the way in which most of my resolve eventually crumbles, this one does too and by hook or crook, you’ll certainly find me sipping on the delicious cold coffee until the syrupy sweetness has emptied and the straw nuzzles the glass to make noises that people find obnoxious. It usually always elicits some disapproving looks and even an ‘eww’ from some. Hey, it’s coffee, okay? A Sinfully good one.

The simple pleasures of life I tell you. A warm shower, a strong cup of coffee, some funny conversation and a good book. Life is simple really. (Course not,  who are you kidding!)

And then the slightly confusing but welcome calls from home mostly every night after 9 (They just discovered that the landline works! What’s more, it even offers free calls. And who doesn’t love free, right?)Well, you have those calls that leave you wishfully thinking you could teleport and eat the chicken that is most certainly the dinner at home. You talk, and talk some more and there’s the awkward ‘what else?’

So you weigh out some more info(you do understand why you need to be selective here, don’t you?) until finally your friend sees her crush and you have to go stalk them and annoy them until they finally hate you and yell. (Thankfully, we’re still stuck in stage one, might take this semester to get over this.)

So, time to face reality and hope to God that the soya they’re serving me today is at least a little good so that it won’t have me cursing the missed bus.